Recently at work, I was asked to write a short biography for an upcoming advertising campaign. Everybody had to participate; it's not like I was singled out. Even so, I didn't want to do it. I just didn't feel like there was anything to be gained from summing up my life in a short paragraph for thousands of people to read. Which might sound funny, given that I write a blog and a column. But for some reason providing personal details for an advertising campaign rubbed me the wrong way.
So how did I respond to the assignment? By writing a bunch of fake biographies. For some reason, they weren't accepted, but I think if you string them all together they actually say quite a bit about me. Here they are:
"Sara Foss is a private detective. She runs her own agency, with some friends from her New Hampshire hometown. Her favorite tool is a magnifying glass, and she takes courses in forensics in her spare time. Her inspirations are Encyclopedia Brown and the Three Investigators. For fun, she plays billiards and goes bird watching."
"Sara Foss is a professional stunt woman. She recently appeared in the feature films 'Quantum of Solace,' 'Underworld' and 'Haywire.' In her spare time, she enjoys cooking on the grill and painting watercolors."
"Sara Foss is a veterinarian. She trained at Julliard, and has her master's degree in equine management. She settled in the Capital Region to better serve the area's horses. During the summer, she can be found at the track in Saratoga, placing bets and helping sick horses."