Writing My Biography
Published on March 1, 2012 by Sara Foss

Recently at work, I was asked to write a short biography for an upcoming advertising campaign. Everybody had to participate; it's not like I was singled out. Even so, I didn't want to do it. I just didn't feel like there was anything to be gained from summing up my life in a short paragraph for thousands of people to read. Which might sound funny, given that I write a blog and a column. But for some reason providing personal details for an advertising campaign rubbed me the wrong way.

So how did I respond to the assignment? By writing a bunch of fake biographies. For some reason, they weren't accepted, but I think if you string them all together they actually say quite a bit about me. Here they are:

"Sara Foss is a private detective. She runs her own agency, with some friends from her New Hampshire hometown. Her favorite tool is a magnifying glass, and she takes courses in forensics in her spare time. Her inspirations are Encyclopedia Brown and the Three Investigators. For fun, she plays billiards and goes bird watching."

"Sara Foss is a professional stunt woman. She recently appeared in the feature films 'Quantum of Solace,' 'Underworld' and 'Haywire.' In her spare time, she enjoys cooking on the grill and painting watercolors."

"Sara Foss is a veterinarian. She trained at Julliard, and has her master's degree in equine management. She settled in the Capital Region to better serve the area's horses. During the summer, she can be found at the track in Saratoga, placing bets and helping sick horses."

"Sara Foss is a lion tamer. She ran away from home to join the circus at an early age, initially specializing in tumbling and acrobatics. But her love of large cats inspired her to take up lion taming, and now she is known as La Formidable. According to Forbes Magazine, her lion taming skills have made her one of the 450 wealthiest people in the United States. In her spare time, she likes to scrapbook and play video games, especially World of Warcraft."

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